He's watching me, he never stops. Since I have come back, I constantly feel like I am being hovered over... watched, being slowly driven mad... He was coming for me. I knew this...
I tried an experiment. I mixed holy holy water with my blood... It turned black. I was alarmed so I went to where I knew the Coven was operating until their shop reappears, and had Miss Russ examine my blood. When she told me her results, my heart stopped. Her diagnosis? I was part demon and part angel. Both and Neither... Russ offered to help me expel this other side. That went well. In the middle of the ritual, Spectre showed up and decided to play with my body, bending and breaking it after Rawls disrespected him... Showing him and Russ exactly what he was capable of. After he played, he left, leaving me a bit more broken, physically and mentally. His presence seems to infect my mind, my soul... the pain he gives is dangerous... Especially for me. Does he know, no.. he can't possibly know..
He came for me again... I know better than this, I KNOW I shouldn't tap into those powers, but I couldn't help it... couldn't stop it. Malika and I were torturing a demon that violated her, and I just wanted him to pay, wanted him to hurt... and that summoned Him... made him aware I was vulnerable... He appeared, and dug his claws into my chest and kidnapped me out of the very place I was most safe at... the church..
I came to, in a dark place. That is a very disorientating feeling... waking up in darkness, unable to see, or feel anything. I ran my hands over my body, my clothes were intact other than the shred marks his claws had made, my wounds were healed. Slowly I stood and extended my hands, walking forward until I hit a wall. I followed that wall until it connected with another, then another, then another. My heart sank once I had walked all four walls. There was no door, no opening. Suddenly a light appeared above me, and I seen him, standing in the middle of the room, simply staring at me. I pressed as close to the wall as possible, hissing at him, tensed for a fight. He laughed and snapped his fingers, and suddenly I was at his side, his hand grasping my chin. "Say, not a word." he said coldly. "You, can end this..." His hand released my chin, and moved to my neck, running his thumb over where my carotid artery was. "All you have to do, is die... then I will not bother you, your twisted love for that demon will go away, all the internal angst, it will all be gone." His voice turns soothing as keeps rubbing my neck. "No..." I whisper, and like a flash the room goes dark, and suddenly there are things ripping and tearing at me. "I SAID TO SHUT UP!" His voice booms all around me as dozens of hands, teeth, nails, all digging in me... With a soft whisper, I find my weapons and begin to fight back. I can see ... awful things in the light of my gunfire but I keep firing, keep slashing...
Then I'm back in Toxia, no reason why, no reason how... just the whispers in my brain.
The voices, they won't stop, the nightmares won't go away... I've quit sleeping in mine and Tora's bed because my tossing and turning was keeping her awake, whether she admits to it or not. I catch a nap or two here and there, but for the most part I stay awake. His face, his voice, he haunts me awake or asleep... I feel like I'm falling into the rabbit hole, spiraling out of control. He gives orders, I refuse. He wants me to hurt, to hunt. Kill kill everyone that I care about.. Drive them away to save them... I can stop this I can end this, all I have to do is die die death darknes...
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