Monday, April 1, 2013

A shell

The pain has finally stopped.  The thinking, the worrying.  Its all gone.  I am neither there or here.  I feel free.  I exist in a state of stasis, and I feel nothing.  This is heaven for me.  But it doesn't last and I feel myself being sucked out of whatever sort of ectoplasmic bliss I exist in, and suddenly I'm a form again.  A small, dark, wispy form that is plopped in front of Leviathan.  The Beast uncoils itself and for a brief moment, the errant thought of the Beast's gender travels through my mind but I put it aside.  Its at this moment I realize, I don't think I've ever spoke to Leviathan directly.  First Drac was the liason, then whatever imp that pissed the Beast off was sent to me. 

I hear the slight sound of scales across the floor and I tense thinking its a snake.  But it's another Demoness, not too different from what I was.  She crouches in front of me and helps me to a standing position.  She begins to speak, telling me that Kali has abandoned me.  My body, her temple, was desecrated by a great evil and Kali wants nothing more to do with me.  I wait for the rage, for the feeling of betrayal, but there is none.  The Demoness then went on to explain that Leviathan pulled my soul from the abyss.  As she speaks I look the Beast over.  Its both beautiful and revolting.  I feel pulled toward it but I remain where I am. 

She continues to speak, and I nod at appropriate times.  I am now bound to Leviathan completely.  My soul is the Beast's when I pass on from the earth next time.  I think of asking why Leviathan didn't destroy me this time around but I find my voice has escaped me.  And I decide to take the blessing.  She escorts me out of the chamber, and I feel a twinge of loss but shrug it off as I am lead into a smaller room.  There are candles of various lengths and widths covering the wall and for a moment, I am afraid they are going to excorcise me.  Then I remember I'm in hell.  I'm lead to a table where I lay down, and the demoness begins to work on me, restoring my physical form.  Imps wander in and out, bringing various tools and implements.  Leviathan's brand is scarred into my flesh once more.  It should hurt, but it doesn't.  Once she is done, she returns me to where I last called home.  And my mind empties.

As I wander the walls that once housed me, I feel a vague undercurrent of unease, and a touch of hostility.  The Library, she has begun to reject me.  She doesn't know me any longer.  I attempt to comfort her, try to show her who I am, but it doesn't work.  Viviane, my mother, showed up as I wandered the third floor, and spoke of, loving me.  But one look into my eyes, she knew I didn't feel the same way.  I didn't' feel.. anything any longer. 

The next few days blur by.  I wander between the Library and the pit.  I drift aimlessly through the streets, restlessness building.  Finally, I found Father.  Rather he found me while I was sitting in the library.  He asks questions I do not know the answers to.  This irritates me.  He shows no emotion but I know it's there.  I can feel it.  He prods, and prods, he keeps digging until he found the combination to unlock my memories.  A dark storm begins to brew around us and I feel my powers expanding once more, like a beast awakening from a slumber.  I suddenly remember everything.  Spectre, the rape, my son.  I crack, I begin to shriek like a harpy, lashing out at Father.  He simply sits there, weathering the storm, riding it out until I was spent and collapsed on the floor sobbing.

I insist we go back to save my son.  Denenthorn says we can't.  I threaten to go on my own but he points out, no one can save me there.  I am lost.  My adopted family has cast me out.  The library rejects me.  Miza and Jaco are gone.  I am alone and so very much feel it.  My powers are sporadic now.  And Spectre taunts me in my dreams.  He cost me my family, my magic, my very life.  And yet he's not done.  I fear, he will not stop until he destroys me, in order to pursue his destruction of Denenthorn.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A new kind of hell

All I see is darkness... all I feel is pain.  This one knows me, it knows my weaknesses.  It knows I feed on pain, and I have to feed on my own if I wish to survive.  The screams... where are those coming from?  They come from me and my mind twists a bit more, disassociating my situation with my body, this can't happen to me.  I have to be listening to someone else being tortured. 

That pressure between my legs, no not my legs.  This isn't happening to my form.  My body is Kali's temple, she wouldn't let such things happen to me.  A sharp pain into my womb and the screams become clearer, and my body bows off the bed where I've been chained for hours, for days, for weeks.  Time is of no consequence here.  I'm forced to accept my body is being abused, and the voice whispering such dark things into my ear is all too familiar. 

The last memory I hold is of me stalking down the streets, using the shadows to both guide and cloak me.  Then I felt something hit me... The only thing I can compare it to is like a semi-truck driving through me, around me, surrounding me and taking me with it.  Sweeping me into some abysmal, dark, dank place.  It stole all breath from my body, suffocating me with it's own presence and I fell into the blackness creeped into my vision. 

When I woke up, I was chained.  My hands bound above my head tightly.  My legs were bound loosely so I could move them.  However instead of a cold hard floor, or a simmering pool of flames, the object I was bound to was soft, almost comfortable.  I was gagged, and either I was blindfolded or there wasn't any light whatsoever in the place.  Usually my eyes adjust to darkness, but considering whomever had managed to grab me, altering my vision wasn't that big of a stretch. 

I am unsure how long I was alone, but it wasn't long before my hunger made itself known.  Since stepping back into my demonic powers I could sense people, demons, beings.  But no one was anywhere around me, and I begin to get nervous.  Soon I felt a claw running along my cheek, under my chin where my head was then forced back.  " 'Allo princess." the voice almost purred.  I froze, I knew the voice even if I couldn't see the face.  The voice that haunted my nightmares as a mortal, the voice that would always taint my vision of Denenthorn. 

The nail moved lower, between my breasts, over my stomach, down my thigh.  I realized then I was naked and begin to struggle against the chains, my shock of who had me finally shaking loose.  "Ah ah ah Princess." his voice was warm and revolting at the same time as he traced his nail over my inner thighs and my panic begin to build.  I could feel my powers beginning to make themselves known.  A sadistic laugh echoed through my head as I felt something heavy and small on my chest.  I fell limp against the bed, my body giving up any fight.  I screamed but couldn't make my body do anything but lay there.

I will not write about what happened next, suffice to say my body was defiled, over and over.  He took delight in taking his time, taunting me with saying I would bear his offspring.  My womb should have been barren, all the years on the island taught me that.  But apparently the effects of the island didn't matter wherever he held me, because soon enough his seed took hold of me.  My only thought was relief, hope that he would stop since he had gotten his wish.  He didn't though.  Over and over, still taunting me that 'his' offspring would kill me when I gave birth to it. 

I do not know how long it went on, but soon enough he found my body unappealing even as it was his spawn disfiguring me.  My hands and feet were freed, but I had lost all desire to escape.  I spent some days pacing, then others curled on the bed that had been the scene of my defilement.  My spirit broken, I had nothing.  The room stayed black, my vision still cut off, but I knew everything within a few weeks.  It was six steps to the left wall.  Ten steps to the wall by the foot of the bed and six steps to the wall to the right.  The headboard was against the fourth wall and there was no door, no windows.  I didn't question this, I accepted it quietly.  As my belly grew more swollen, my mind begin to drift.  I often thought of what it would be like to birth a child, one that I loved.  And I grew attached to the monster dwelling inside me.  My father didn't seek me out.  No one even tried to find me.  All I had was that demonic spawn growing inside me.  Occasionally someone was brought to me.  I was ordered on the bed, and I followed the orders.  I was little more than a pet, and I knew what was coming.  He tortured these souls, for hours, allowing me to gorge myself on their pain.  I wasn't allowed near their blood or bodies, and he always made sure to clean up after himself, but as I said, by this time I had given up on ever leaving this place alive.

The time must have been close because I woke up chained to the bed once more.  This time my legs were chained tightly as well as my hands.  The pain, was indescribable.  Even for one as me.  As my son came into the world, he took a large part of my insides with him.  However I loved him.  Even knowing I was dying.  My tormentor placed my son on my chest once he was free of my body, and I got a brief look at him before he burrowed  himself under my neck, and kept burrowing, as if he couldn't get close enough.  Soon enough his tiny claw pierced my neck, the jugular vein opening easily.  He seemed to take comfort in my blood that was pumping from my body.  I gave birth to a son, and my son killed me.  I prayed that this would be my last death as the life flowed from my body and finally I could see.  The last thing I seen was Spectre holding our son, stroking his face with a finger.  "I should kill him... but seeing as you worked so hard to bring him into the world, I won't.  You can die, knowing you birthed the greatest evil that has seen the light of day in a very long time Princess." 

Into the darkness we descend

Its been so long since I had moments to myself, and I found my diary seriously lacking in updates.  It wasn't long ago, that I sought out Zane.  I remembered me helping him back to being a demon once when Mizaki had made him human.  Once I found him, I told him what I wanted.  The path of magic I was following was destroying my mortal form.  Since I have no chance at redemption, no hope of salvation, I wished to summon a demon, to share my form with.  I wanted to bind a lesser to me, so that the demon would take the physical damage of my magic, leaving me able to continue to practice it.

The ritual went as I expected.  I willingly accepted the demon into my form, binding it to me, and me to it.  It was just one of the lesser imps that are so common in Hell.  With that I was able to continue my necromancy and blood magic, and not have to worry about the affect on the physical form I was cursed with.  Once this was done, I continued playing with the dead bodies I found, bringing them back only to burn them later, keeping my powers only to myself and Denenthorn of course.  He knows everything I do.

Stiletto was brought back.  The Priestess of the Coven and her clan helped bring her back to life.  However she's been absent since her reawakening.  I do thank her though even if she doesn't realize it.  She was the first for an experimental spell I had found.  I was able to bind her to me for a short period of time, and only I could command her.  But ultimately all good things must come to an end, and so she was returned to the Shadows, and I continued to dig up bodies to practice my rituals on.

It was another Covenite that eventually found out about the demon that resided inside of me.  He summoned it forth, and as it fled, it corrupted the vessel, my body.  It was far more fearful of me than it was of the Covenite, and it feared the repercussions of what would happen if Leviathan found out what had happened.  The demons under Leviathan's command are not to aid or assist me.  The fact that this demon was forced to do my bidding would be of no consequence.

For the first time in a long time, I felt, at ease. With my body, with my powers.  I could feel my very being stretching and expanding under the surface, like a dragon awakening.  And I grew.  My knowledge, my power expanded daily.  I was no longer in fear of retribution, anyone that would object to my being was long gone.  And it was with this fearlessness I begin to do research on how to bring back a particular body I had stumbled across.  I poured through the restricted section, I stole books from the library to read in the sewers where I knew my responsibilities wouldn't catch up to me.

Once I knew what I needed to do, I grabbed my personal magic stash and stole away through a portal to mainland.  The portal had taken most of my energy but my cockiness lead me on down the streets, and with a little persuasiveness I got a room in an upper class motel.  I don't think the manager there will ever be able to recover all his senses, but I had things to do.  My confidence has often been a downfall, so I made sure to cast protective charms over the room, and I collapsed in the bed, my energy completely exhausted.

 Over the next couple days, I made the contacts I needed to, resting a lot to summon the energy to form a portal back to Toxia.  To some it was hell, but to me it was home.  Being among mortals made me nervous.  Their minds are so easily manipulated, their bodies so easily twisted to the breaking point and back again.  I fed a lot while there.  So many men willing to follow a stranger with blood red hair and pale blue eyes into alley thinking they would get lucky.  I guess they did in a way, I never killed them, and I always left them in the same physical condition I found them in. 

Once my supplies were gathered, I sent them into the library, and stole away from the hotel in the middle of the night.  Nighttime has always been my preferred time to move.  The dark is comforting me, and it welcomed it's daughter with open arms.  As much as I have counted on the darkness as my ally, I've always known it also hid secrets, and the saying 'there's always a bigger fish' is always true.  But being among mortals for a few days gave me a sense of omnipotence... and no doubt the shark circling me could smell it. 

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Such changes

I grow tired of dying.  And I am sure hell's inhabitants get tired of seeing me.  But it seems sometimes in order to grow, one must make sacrifices, even if the sacrifices are not a choice of the one wishing to grow.

Denny killed me this time, well, Denny's 'form' killed me.  He was possessed by the horseman named Death, and apparently I had been infected by War.  Apparently I had killed Mordeth while possessed but since he left the Illuminati later, I do not feel remorse for it.  There was a lot of chaos for the weeks that the horsemen ran rampant...  Once I had died, Leviathan had once again claimed me.  They really do not forget a debt in hell, and I have racked up too many bills that needed to be paid.  Once I had been bound, the chains forged with magic I am unfamiliar with, the demons then begin my, payment.

First my magic was ripped from me, quite literally.  Any creature that has any sort of magical alignment knows that their power is soul deep.  Their powers are a part of them, and natural, much like breathing and mine was no exception.  Due to knowledge I had gained while doing research, my powers were bound to me physically and spiritually.  When they were torn out, I felt as if I was dying a hundred more deaths.  Every fiber of my being protested it and I felt as if I had suddenly been thrown into a pit of acid, the slow eating kind.  The initial pain faded, leaving a dull burning ache in my body, and I felt almost... hollow.  I was then drug to some sort of pit, where my tormentors hung me over it.  The creatures in this pit, were indescribable.  Great, horrid beasts, and my body was just within reach of them.  Slowly they begin to eat and claw at my body, slowly stripping the flesh from me.  Their sharp teeth digging into my muscles, their claws slicing my tendons.  What seemed like days later, my tormentors drug me back from over the pit, most of my body gone, only the vital organs remaining.

They tossed me into a cell, letting my body regenerate as it would.  I drifted in and out of nightmares then, my sins being played in my head over and over.  Somewhere in this strange coma I felt all the fire leave my body, all the warmth, the heat.  I could feel someone calling for me... but they were so far away.  Suddenly I felt myself ripped out of the cell and back into Toxia, Viviane and Miza pulled me back to earth.  In my head I could hear the Beast's roars of his temporary defeat.  All I could do was cling to Viviane and try to keep from losing it.  While I was in hell, it seems Kali had taken over my form.. and was wandering the streets.  And the new form, was unfamiliar, colder, more fluid than the one that was so full of fire and chaos.  I myself seemed, more cool, more level headed. 

After I had recovered, I begin to work with a few others to try and stop these horsemen.  The leaders possessed by the horsmen went down easily enough, but they kept getting back up.  A few spoke of killing them, but I'd rather have a possessed father than none at all, and with Rai being possessed by war..  I was rather against that idea.  Finally what seemed like the absolution, came.  Jaco summoned an arch angel to come and lock the horsemen back up.  She succeeded, but something went horribly wrong and she turned on the city.  This was, predicted by myself and a few others.  After all, an arch angel saving a place like Toxia?  Really?

Obviously, being in a place so full of sin, anyone could have predicted what happened next.  She was corrupted, she lost it.  From the rumors I heard, she went on a murderous rampage, but was taken down by the citizens.  It was a nice little break from the monotony of every day life.  Not every day an angel is the bad guy.  After these events, I begin to meditate, trying to make sense of this new power I was given.  Slowly entering a dark place with each  session, memories flood my mind.  Mine or Denenthorns, I am unsure of.  But another power is calling to me now...