Pain and Love

Pain and love, not exactly the most compatible of things on this realm, none the less the two go hand in hand.  Masochism, as it is called, can cause one to fall in love.  Whether it is love for the pain or the one that  is providing it, I do not know.  I am a masochist.  However I have always self-inflicted my pain, or fulfilled my own pain needs.  Do I think I am a pain whore?  No... I do not, seek pain out.  Pain is a release for me, whether it is my own or the pain I inflict on others.  I however have my limits, most in this town don't seem to ...

Love... causes pain.  those that love, are often in pain because of it.  I was pained, to discover one I loved, one I held dear betrayed me, and all I held dear.  Shea and Miza both.  Shea told Miza what I was now, what I gave up for her, and what did the little shit do?  She turned and told Denenthorn... I do not know what entered her dumbass mind, but she came after me, wanted to 'save me'.  I tried to tell her, I AM a demon, not possessed by one... but she refused to listen and attacked me anyways.  So I beat her down, and proceeded to teach her a lesson, she would never forget.

I first, made her watch my torture, the hell I went through over her... she didn't enjoy it.  She tried to scream, but its hard to scream without a tongue... when your own blood is filling your mouth... Once she had seen it, and I made sure she had seen it, I cast her into a pit of darkness, at least in her mind thats where she went.  Oh I am loving this new power I've tapped into, I was never this powerful as Seiphere's demonic chylder.  Something to be said for self-sacrifice and the rewards it gives correct?

The next two weeks I played.  I dived deeper into her mind and explored, twisted, exploited.  I doubt many have ever been able to read another being as well as I read her.  Her every fear was there laid out like a buffet for me to pick and choose from.  Every day I picked a new one, sometimes combining them.. it was a marvelously fun fourteen days.  I taxed myself though... that was slightly disturbing.  I wish I didn't have a conscience.. but it can't be helped, its the cost of what I did, of what I become.  But day after day, she experienced new things.  Cockroaches would crawl over her body as I made her relive her every mistake, fire licked and lapped at her wings as she had to choose between saving herself or her family.  She was left alone, and I had tortures of other Righteous played in her memory, over and over.  Twisted the memories so it would look like it was her fault.  I made her pick and choose who she thought was being tortured.  So much fun for me to be had...

Best thing was, I used others to do it for me.  But I alone knew her whereabouts... something BB and Shea both confronted me on.  Shea decided to jump me while I was playing with xion.. (story for another time) and once he got me down, decided he was going to question me about Miza's where abouts.  As if I would tell him, or Denenthorn who tried to threaten me into telling him where she was.  Bastard had the balls to say he'd hurt someone I'd care about.  He wouldn't hurt his own, according to him, so that leaves no one outside of the Shadows I'd give a shit about.  I finally grew bored, and left her body at the church one morning.  Little shit... I care about her, but she'll learn one day, you don't betray the one that created you...

OOC Post

As some people may know, and some do not, I had a sort of mental melt down friday night.  I ended up deleting half of my friends' list, leaving groups, wiping out Savannah's profile, and disappeared for a few hours to calm down.  I have no words to say how sorry I am to those that I hurt, but it was a long time coming.  I have been dealing with several ooc issues in the sim that I roleplay in.  Mostly people trying to start crap between me and my partner, or some of the higher ups talking down to me.  I am saddened to think after two years in the same place, solid years with only a few days taken here and there, that I was basically told I am nothing there.  All this has been boiling under the surface for a few weeks, and it just erupted.  However, I am better now, trying to think how to patch things, wondering if some things are worth patching.  Also found out that someone I considered close to me was passing skype ims I had wrote to them around.  I get overwhelmed easily.  I have never been one to be able to deal with groups of people, ic or ooc.  And I think that added fuel to the fire.  For now, I'm on a break from the place where I rp, to get my head on straight, and do some rebuilding.  I am sorry to those that care, and those that immediately went into my ims to bash me for walking away from the rp... thanks for showing me your real side.

To those that cared, and were there to pick up the pieces and offer hugs and love, I love you, you know who you are <3

Sav

Life and Death, an endless cycle"

I grow tired.  It is unsurprising.  The city dynamics have changed, the streets, the inhabitants.  There is so little fear in town now.  I thank the goddess daily that I don't feed on emotions.  Unless I was a succubus I'd probably starve to death.  I spend a lot of time reading, watching, collecting.  Even the violence that used to be weaved in Toxia seems to be lacking unless one of the monsters show up...

Miza died.  One of the very few that I considered blood kin, and treated her as such.  I found her body in the courthouse, after smelling blood.  I didn't think about how she got there, I just was thinking, no, it can't be her.  She was all that left of my humanity when I left the Rights.  I collected her body and took off to the one person I thought could fix anything.  Jaco.  Immediately he thought I did it, of course, but once he seen how upset I was, how badly I wanted to bring her back he agreed to try and help me.  We took her body to the arena and I held it close to my own.  As if my soul could bring hers back.  Then Death came to claim her... I refused to let her go.  A deal was made, my immortality for hers.  She would live, but I had to die.  And not by my own hand...  About this time my brother walked up, the same brother who was in debt to Death for my soul.  HE had been cast on the island to kill me.  So in one motion, he destroyed me, releasing himself from debt, and bringing Miza back.  I knew it was coming this time, I was prepared.  There was no limbo, just, the sound of Hex's blade in the air, then Death dragging me to hell.

The moment we reached his lair he was upon me.  His foot dug into my spine as he gripped a wing in each hand.  "You thought you could outsmart me child?" he hissed then with a tug backwards, he ripped the wings from my back, taking away my power, my angelic immortality.  "So selfless are we?"  His tone was so cold, and sarcastic.  I found it hard to concentrate on him much, most of my focus on the pain of having my wings ripped out.  It was as if he damaged my very soul and he may have...  I said little, just making sure he made good on his part of the deal.  Once he answered affirmative, I fell silent and took what he decided for me.  When he found my soul was bound to Xion's, oh he was pissed.  He couldn't collect it, as Xion has never cheated him, and since my soul is bound to his... that much of my existence was spared.

I do not know how long I was there, could have been hours, or days.... or weeks.  He would torture me to the point of death, bring me back, then do it again.  I was a mortal stuck in hell.  In every literal and figurative sense.  Ever inch of my body was abused, every part violated.  I felt my mind twisting, trying to escape the torture, mentally at least.  It didn't work.  He knew what I was doing, so then the mental torture begin.  I just wanted him to end me.  I no longer cared about my soul, or anything.  I just wanted it to stop, and it wouldn't...

He took a break, letting one of his servants heal me when a visitor showed up.  I do not know what she came for.  I was barely able to see her, or him.  Off note, its odd I've always referenced to death as male, when in truth it shows no sexual characteristics... but I digress.  Once I was healed the demon nursing me, bound me once more in chains and brought me to Death and his visitor.  "I am not giving you a choice." the woman spoke to my tormentor with a cold firm tone.  I looked up to her, and she smiled at me, almost a motherly manner.  "She sacrificed herself out of love to another, she doesn't deserve this sort of eternity."  Death barked out a laugh and replied, "Its not about what she deserves it is what she owes me."  Suddenly he glared down to me, and wrapped his fingers in my hair, jerking my hair back so I was forced to look at him.  "Die again little one, and there is nothing on earth, heaven or hell that will save you.  You allow yourself in my domain again and I will kill that infernal cat, as well as your beloved husband... "  He then threw my body at the woman who wrapped her arms around me, and we disappeared.

The next thing I knew, I heard someone sobbing.  I moved closer to the sound, unsteady suddenly.  Looking down, I had hooves, and.. a tail.  Shaking my head, I moved closer to the source of the crying, and found Jaco, who looked at me, almost in horror.  After a brief, conversation, I took off back home.  It wasn't long till I discovered, what I had become.  My skin as black as the knight, with my goddess's blessing scrawled across it.  Horns, ornate and beautiful... I was a demon, again.  From angel to demon.  I was back.

The end of an era,of a legend...

Denenthorn killed Blue.  Strange way to start a journal entry, but it is still forefront in my mind.  She came to visit, as she has done before.  I do not know WHAT crawled up my father's ass, but he came out, being all omnipotent as usual...then attacked her.  The battle wasn't as long as I expected, and the outcome, was horrible, in my eyes.  I watched him rip out Blue's heart, then force her into an angelic being, much as he done me.  I never seen it so clearly as when it happened in front of me.  I suppose I shouldn't have been sooo upset, but it was Blue, his family, my family... I did manage to collect some of her blood, so that was a plus, I suppose.

This event stuck with me since it happened.  Granted, Blue was not an innocent, not by any means.  Tales of the terror she caused, she carried are still legendary.  I remember her attacking Aricelli when we had to go rescue a Reck from the pit, and I remember threatening me the first time I approached the pit by myself.  But for Denny to destroy her, then force her into another being.... I .. I am unable to understand exactly why.  If he wanted to kill her he should have, but to force her, without her choice, into an angel?  What makes him so powerful, so absolute?  How is he the alpha and omega?  When did he become our creator to decide who lives, dies, and how they spend their time on this earth?

It was these thoughts that plagued me for the next weeks.  Everytime I slept I seen him ripping Blue's heart out, I seen her transforming into an angel.  Everytime I seen Denny, I just wanted to tear into him, make him hurt like he has hurt others, make him hurt for making me what I am.  But I can't.  I cannot destroy that which created me, I can only leave it.

So I turned in my bandanna... I left the church.  Miza cried, I cried.  The first, true family like thing I have belonged to in a long time, and I abandoned them, left them to fend for themselves.  I had so many regrets... I don't deal with guilt well.  So I did the only thing I could do, I started searching for merc jobs, doing anything to keep my mind occupied.  It was while doing this, I spoke to Sandra... my conversation with her made her think I was well suited to becoming a shadow again, I just shrugged it off and went on my way.  But her words stuck with me for the next few days.  So I gave in and went back, speaking to Kahlia.  She gave me a task to prove myself, and I did it, within a couple of days.

So I was welcomed back.  The location has changed, the family has changed, the laws... but the vows remain the same as does the freedom.  Been keeping it under wraps though, so much easier to fuck people over when they don't know who you really are.

The storm is coming...

Something was wrong.  I knew that as soon as I seen Xion.  Physically, he was different, completely.  But since he had bound me to him when I was a vampire, and he was a demon, I could recognize him whether he looked like Xai or not.  He approached me... and I couldn't... feel him.  There was no essence about him, no... aura to speak of.  I managed to capture him, and forced my way into his mind, his memory.  I searched for what was wrong with him, and when I found it, I wanted to stick my boot so far up his ass, he'd been coughing up leather for a week.  He raped, a succubus.  Of all things for him to rape... I say rape because in his memory she told him no and tried to run, and he captured her then forced himself on her.  She even said what she was... had he been himself, I would have kicked his ass, but as it was, I needed to help him more at the moment.

I made sure Xai was secured, and opened a portal, stepping into my grandfather's domain.  It was the first time I ever went there willingly, yet he was still angry to see me.  "Child, how many times do I have to tell you, I don't want you here!" he boomed as soon as he saw me.  My shoulders went up in a shrug as I tucked my wings close to my back.  "I did not die this time." I offered as I begin to chew my lip, growing uneasy being near him.  He let out an exasperated sigh and motioned me closer to his throne, his bony fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose.  "No one else gives me this much trouble, no one else DARES to ask ANYTHING of me... yet you, you are a spoiled brat.  Seiphere was much too lenient with you when you were his, and now your 'father', as you call him, should really teach you some humility."  I shrugged again as I stepped closer, for the first time actually taking in his throne room.  It was fitting, I suppose for Death.  Skeletons, pretty succubi, spikes and chains.  But I was in hell after all, it was to be expected.  Once I was close enough to him, I looked up to his face, taking a breath.  "I came for Xion's soul." I told  him, faking a bravado I didn't feel.  "One of yours took it."

"Oh and you think you will get it?" he asked me, his eyes black as coal as he glowered down at me.  "He is the reason you and I are related.  He is the reason your soul is no longer in my possession."  At that my eyes narrowed, and I took a step closer to him.  "No, grandfather.  Seiphere is the reason  you were cheated out of my soul."  "Yes, but why did Seiphere have your soul?  Why were you in his presence?  What made you flee that house of leeches to be at your Sire's side?  It was because this, Xion, fucked up your mind, and opened you to an entirely new world of darkness no?"  His rotting lips curled in a smile as I stepped back, growling softly at him, seeing his twisted logic.  "I forgave him for that, and I want his soul back..." I answered him, my chin lifting in defiance.  He laughed at me and curled his finger up, beckoning me closer, his other hand suddenly grabbing a crystal from the air.  The crystal was grey, cracked, and looked busted from the inside.  "Your, Xion's soul is damaged child.  I only have what the succubus didn't digest of it.  You can't put a damaged soul back in a mortal body."  I stepped back to him, looking at the dirty jewel in his hand, a frown appearing on my face.  "Savannah.." he said softly and my attention immediately went back to him, having never heard this tone from him before.  "You will die, again, child."  His words held no regret in their tone, nor any sadness.  It was a statement from him, nothing more, nothing less.  "The fates have deemed it so.  ANd when you die, your soul will be mine, in it's entirety.  Not your ridiculous emotional ties to Denenthorn, nor your silly human feelings for the others will save you.  You will be my prisoner, for eternity, so pick your next death wisely."  WIth that he tossed the stone at me.  As I caught it, I shrugged.  "Life's a bitch anyways right?"  He nodded and flicked his wrist, and with that I was back in the attic of the church, with the stone and Xai.

I knelt next to Xion, all the affection and love I had for him rushing to the surface as I did.  As I rolled the stone over and over in my hand, it begin to glow, but with a broken sort of light.  Tears rushed to my eyes as I examined it, whispering to it.  A small voice in the back of my head told me, "fix it, with yours..."  I was unsure, how to do it, if I wanted to do it.  I just wanted him back to how he was.  The stone made the decision for me.  My hands begin to glow the more I played with the rock, and the light begin to seep into it.  I felt as if part of me was going with the light, but if it would save Xion, I would do it.  I didn't care... So few in this world I care about like I do him.  Suddenly the rock left my hands, and buried itself in Xion's chest, causing no wounds, more like it had simply faded into him, and I drifted off, sleeping.

It's been too long...

He's watching me, he never stops.  Since I have come back, I constantly feel like I am being hovered over... watched, being slowly driven mad...  He was coming for me.  I knew this...

I tried an experiment.  I mixed holy holy water with my blood...  It turned black.  I was alarmed so I went to where I knew the Coven was operating until their shop reappears, and had Miss Russ examine my blood.  When she told me her results, my heart stopped.  Her diagnosis?  I was part demon and part angel.  Both and Neither...  Russ offered to help me expel this other side.  That went well.  In the middle of the ritual, Spectre showed up and decided to play with my body, bending and breaking it after Rawls disrespected him... Showing him and Russ exactly what he was capable of.  After he played, he left, leaving me a bit more broken, physically and mentally.  His presence seems to infect my mind, my soul... the pain he gives is dangerous... Especially for me.  Does he know, no.. he can't possibly know..

He came for me again... I know better than this, I KNOW I shouldn't tap into those powers, but I couldn't help it... couldn't stop it.  Malika and I were torturing a demon that violated her, and I just wanted him to pay, wanted him to hurt... and that summoned Him... made him aware I was vulnerable... He appeared, and dug his claws into my chest and kidnapped me out of the very place I was most safe at... the church..

I came to, in a dark place.  That is a very disorientating feeling... waking up in darkness, unable to see, or feel anything.  I ran my hands over my body, my clothes were intact other than the shred marks his claws had made, my wounds were healed.  Slowly I stood and extended my hands, walking forward until I hit a wall.  I followed that wall until it connected with another, then another, then another.  My heart sank once I had walked all four walls.  There was no door, no opening.  Suddenly a light appeared above me, and I seen him, standing in the middle of the room, simply staring at me.  I pressed as close to the wall as possible, hissing at him, tensed for a fight.  He laughed and snapped his fingers, and suddenly I was at his side, his hand grasping my chin.  "Say, not a word." he said coldly.  "You, can end this..."  His hand released my chin, and moved to my neck, running his thumb over where my carotid artery was.  "All you have to do, is die... then I will not bother you, your twisted love for that demon will go away, all the internal angst, it will all be gone."  His voice turns soothing as keeps rubbing my neck.  "No..." I whisper, and like a flash the room goes dark, and suddenly there are things ripping and tearing at me.  "I SAID TO SHUT UP!" His voice booms all around me as dozens of hands, teeth, nails, all digging in me... With a soft whisper, I find my weapons and begin to fight back.  I can see ... awful things in the light of my gunfire but I keep firing, keep slashing...

Then I'm back in Toxia, no reason why, no reason how... just the whispers in my brain.

The voices, they won't stop, the nightmares won't go away... I've quit sleeping in mine and Tora's bed because my tossing and turning was keeping her awake, whether she admits to it or not.  I catch a nap or two here and there, but for the most part I stay awake.  His face, his voice, he haunts me awake or asleep... I feel like I'm falling into the rabbit hole, spiraling out of control.  He gives orders, I refuse.  He wants me to hurt, to hunt.  Kill kill everyone that I care about.. Drive them away to save them... I can stop this I can end this, all I have to do is die die death darknes...

Blast from the past...

Seiphere... my vampire and demonic sire, my former... whatever you want to call him, is back.  The day I walked into the church and seen him... it was as if my world started to spin in the other direction.  It had been so long since I had seen him, spoken to him, touched him...  It does not escape my sense of irony that after I had a  conversation with his creator that he reappeared in Tox...  His reappearance however has added to the confusion that is, what seems to be lately, my brain.  As a vampire emotions were simple.  We didn't have them. As an angel now... I do have them and they are hateful things.  Shea and I have gotten close... he stood watch over me when Rollo and Russ brought me back to the church.  He guards me when Denny's not around... and... feelings have developed but with Seiphere back... its an entirely different ballgame.  Seiphere has changed, he's more.... well he's not trying to rip my eyes out or drain me like he used to.  He seems to enjoy my company as well as my very.. presence.  So I am torn between an Angel and a Demon...  Denny would rip me a new one, and probably a few more if he found out I was even on speaking terms with Sei.  His ... kill all demons order has never been as hard to follow as it is now.

Speaking of Denenthorn, he is back.  I was overjoyed to see him back and in one piece.  I actually hugged him... before realizing what I was doing and stopped.  He angers me though... he acts as if Spectre is undefeatable.  Everyone, even Satan himself has a weakness.... I feel like he's keeping something from me.... but I cannot force it out of him, nor do I want to.  the being that fixed my wings told me more than Denny did about Spectre... I may be able to defeat him, but if I do... I may risk dying myself and I do not think Death will let me back again.  It was weird, that thing that took over Denny's body.  He followed me, spoke to me, but only me... however he granted me my immortality back... thats all that really matters to me.

Since I've gotten back to my tasks, and my duties on the council, my days are a little busier, but not as full as I would like.  The Shadows are eerily quiet... I haven't seen Jan around so I suppose he left them as well.  I see Esso, and Sandra... as well as a couple of the newer darkie darks, but the house as a whole I feel is falling.  I suppose this is supposed to give me a sense of pride and accomplishment, but it doesn't.  What is light without darkness to balance it out?

Something strange has been happening since I came back from Spectre... I feel more restless than normal.  Its like I have an itch I can't scratch, like I'm suddenly trapped in my skin.  Theres also almost a dull.... thrumming through my body constantly.  A dull ache perhaps?  But not painful, just...  letting me know, it wants something I am not providing it.  Theres a voice inside my head, that repeats itself over and over, telling me what I need... but its really more of a buzz and if I concentrate enough, it goes away, sometimes.  I need pain... it tells me that, but it wouldn't be appropriate for a Herald, Denenthorn's daughter to boot, to go seeking a shadow to hurt her like I used to do so long ago.  So I fight it.  The days stretch on...

Spectre came a'knockin

((((((((((((((WARNING THIS BLOG CONTAINS GRAPHIC VIOLENCE!!
And I will be editing, tweaking things as the story develops...))))))

He was there... almost as if he was waiting on me as I started toward my room. There in the lobby. I shook it off and got on the elevator, quickly locking myself in my room. Once there, I begin to pack my bags, I was leaving the next morning. Once done, I hopped in the shower, shrugging off the illusion I used to hide my wings.

There was a knock at my door. Wrapping a towel around myself, I curse, and try to open the door at an angle so that I can hide my wings. No one . was there. Huffing I turn around, and suddenly I find myself face to face with him. The one Denny warned me about. "Hello daughter of Denenthorn." he smiled. I hissed at him and tried to ease around him toward the window. "Hello Spectre...."

"Ah I see the dear prince explained who I was." he laughs as he takes off his hat and does a sweeping sort of bow in front of me. "Not really," I reply, making my towel turn into a robe, then I tighten the rope around it. "Just warned me about some skinny fuck I should avoid." He laughs at me and leans against my door, waving his hands making bars appear over my window. "Perhaps he should have kept you under his wing then..." He looks me over, and I feel the urge to take another shower. "Pretty little girl like you should not be alone..."

I huffed and turned away from him, the robe melting into jeans and a sweatshirt, covering as much as my body as possible. "Fuck off." I growl, and again he laughs. "Oh, yes, he really should have kept you in his nest... " Spinning around I summon my blades, growling out a challenge. Once more, he laughs, and then my world went dark.

I came to, chained to a table. I tested them, and they burned into my flesh. My wings are somehow in the table, and I'm naked. Spectre walks in with a sheet, and covers me to my neck with it. "Tsk tsk angel." he says. "Can't be showing the naughty bits to your parents now can you?" At the word parents I raise my head. "Parents are dead fucker... " I mutter. "Savannah... " said another voice from one of the shadowy corners of the room. Immediately my head whips toward the source and I can't believe it.

My parents. I can't speak, I can't move. Tears begin to well in my eyes as I stare. "My darling girl..." my mother cries out and runs to me, wiping the tears away, my dad directly behind her. SObs begin to wrack my body, and I struggle harder against the chains, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around them. As the smell of my burning flesh fills the room, Spectre speaks. "Savannah..." he says softly. "Your parents are so forgiving, I'm jealous."

"Forgiving?" my dad asks looking at him. "What ... do you mean?" Spectre smiles at my parents. "Well your 'darling' girl here is the reason you died... isn't that right Savannah?" He turns his yellow eyes to me and I shake my head looking to mom and dad. "No... no I never wanted you two to die.. you believe me right? I mean I never would have said no if I knew...." I choke off my words as I begin to sob harder, the tears streaming. Both of my parents look at me horrified. "Thats right.." my mom says softly. "I remember now.. I begged you Savannah... begged you to let us come stay with you... you said no."

I shook my head even more furiously. "no.. please... I didn't know... please.. if I had known... I love you." I cried out then screamed as I seen them begin to age before my eyes. their flesh beging to flake off, as they kept staring at me, accusing me of their deaths. I literally watched them decompose before my eyes, their accusations echoing in my ears. "Lovely parents..." Spectre said. "Too bad you killed them eh?" He shrugged and stripped the sheet off my body, laying it over their remains. I can't speak, the sobs cutting off anything I could or would save to redeem myself. Besides, what redemption is there for one that killed their own flesh and blood?

As I lay there, spectre stepped closer to me, putting a hand on either side of his head. "Renounce your creator." he said coldly, "It will be all the much better for you if you do... curse his name and you'll walk away now..." I shook my head no, unable to speak. He smiled at me, such a cold, heartless grin he had. Tilting his head down, I thought he was going to kiss me, and I felt the bile rise. But instead he kissed my forehead. "Then he will see your fate." he whispered, and clasped my head between his hands. Suddenly I seen Denny, at his desk reading. I screamed for him to run, something but spectre laughed.

"Oh no luv.." he said laughing as he stepped back around my body. "Save your breath, you'll need it angel." I couldn't see what he was doing, but shortly he returned with a length of wire and walked around to my head. I could feel his hands on my wings. His fingers started at where the bone met the skin, and he gently ran his hands down the length of them. "See... since you won't curse HIM... lets try a little test... lets see if I can get you to not curse anything yeah?"

He begin to wind the wire around my wings, threading it through my feathers. He then dropped a cloth over my head stating I couldn't see what he was doing. It was a surprise. I could hear him step away from me, then there was a slight bit of pressure where he had wrapped the wire. "Alrighty princess." he almost cooed as he pulled a chair or something next to me. "The more you scream.. the more Denny will hear you. BUT... the more you scream... the more your wings will break..." He lifts the cloth up and smiles at me. "Doesn't that sound like fun?" Suddenly he stands back up, and walks away, leaving me to my thoughts for a bit. Again I test my binds, and once more the smell of burnt flesh fills the room.

I do not know how much time passed, but he returned, with a rolling tray. I could hear metal bouncing against metal, so I'm sure he had the tray full of tools. "Are you sure you won't renounce your maker? Curse your creator?" he asked as he bent over, his head inches from mine. "Fuck.." I answered drawing out the word, "You." He shook his head. "Not right now..." he said and pulled his first contraption out, forcing my mouth open and shoving it in. It was the same tool that Denny had used on the demon that we tortured. It forced my mouth open and held it there. "SInce you won't use that tongue for what I want you to, you don't need it." He then stuck what looked like a large pair of pliers in my mouth and gripped my tongue pulling it out. Using his free hand, he reached back, pulling a scapel from the tray. He then slowly and methodically removed my tongue, taking what seemed like forever to do it.

Of course I screamed... someone taking so long to do something so quick. The moment I did though, I heard something behind me click, and there was a tug, my wings being forced to bend away from my body. I stopped but was sputtering blood from where he had cut my tongue, the wound was pouring, aided by the fact that my heart was racing a mile a minute. I spit blood in his face, and he simply wiped it off then grabbed a straw. "Can't let this go to waste." he said then stuck the straw in my mouth, and drank my blood till I could breath again.

Taking that same scapel, he begin to make small cuts and carvings all over my body. That wasn't so bad. I kept my mouth shut, other than to turn my head and spit blood out. He worked for awhile then stepped back, admiring his 'artwork' as he kept calling it. Reaching over, he patted my head, told me he'd be right back, then left the room. He exited out a door, which let in a little light before it swung shut. As soon as he left, I begin to chant, calling the black flame, holy light, whatever I could, forth. I concentrated hard on melting the chains holding me to the table. Suddenly, the chains begin to heat up, faster than I could have done it. They begin to brand my flesh and I screamed. From behind me, the clicking started again, and my wings were pulled further out, and each wing was pulled in a seperate direction. The pressure was near unbearable as they were stretched to the breaking point before I silenced myself.

A cold laugh came from the corner of the room. "Silly girl... did you really thing I'd not take precautions against you? I know EXACTLY what you can and cannot do angel." He held his hand out over me, and the carvings begin to move, twisting my flesh with them. Suddenly my body jerked upward, against the chains, and he pulled his hands back. "Now... you can't do anything." he said nodding his head. "Your magic is bound to your body." "Aye... it is." came a familiar voice. I nearly puked as he stepped in my view. IT was Denny... but just a mirage of him... but it was him just the same. "See princess," Spectre said as he motioned to Denny. "I showed him what I was doing and he wanted to help..." Denny walked around next to my body and looked Spectre in the eyes. “I won't touch her, but... I want to see what you can do.”

I stare at Denny, but his eyes are on Spectre. I can't speak, I can't move... even if I wasn't bound. This man, my father, my protector.. is egging this demon on? Suddenly a sharp pain travels down my arm, and I twist my head in that direction, and begin to scream, even the pressure on my wings can't stop me. He removed the skin on my arm.... all of it. Smiling at me, he dangles the flesh above my nose and I gag, but manage to keep the bile down. I stop screaming in time for the machine attatched to my wings to have twisted the appendages to an awkward angle, almost to the breaking point. Spectre's smile grows wider as he suddenly grows fangs, then lowers his head above my exposed tendons, then begins to feast. Chewing the muscles off of the bones. I can't hold back now, I let out an ear shattering scream, and the machine begins to work again. He continues to eat my arm, exposing the bone and I continue to scream. Suddenly there is twin pains in my back and my eyes roll back as the machine yanks my wings from my back, pulling them completely away from my body. I have had them cut off, cut them off myself once, but this was an entirely new meaning of pain. It felt like he ripped my soul from my body when the machine pulled them off. My entire body begin to thrash against the chains, screams and sobs erupting from my chest.

I felt the blood gushing from my back as a sinister laugh came from Denny. “Good call Eric.” he chuckled then looked at me. His eyes were strangely blank, almost like the glass eyes you see in dolls. “Ye mortal now lass....” he murmured, then looked back to Spectre. “She's uneven too.... I'd do what ye did to her arm to the rest of her body.” Spectre grinned and nodded, before repeating his actions to my other arm. At this point, the edges of my vision begin to blur, and I sent up a silent thanks, thinking I was finally going to die or pass out. But just as unconsciousness begin to claim me, there was a sharp stabbing pain in my left leg, snapping me out of it. This went on for what seemed like hours... Once done with my arms, he started on my feet and legs, first peeling the skin off, then devouring the tissue and muscles underneath it.... every time I'd start to pass out, he'd hurt me somewhere else on my body to keep me awake. As he did his cutting, he replayed every mistake I had ever made. Denny leered over me, saying how unworthy I was to be his creation... How I couldn't even cut it as a Vampire, thats why Stiletto had abandoned me. I felt all my doubts, all the guilt I had ever experienced filling my mind. I wept, the memories worse than what was happening me at the moment. But he begin to focus more on my body then...

He cut me open, pulled my organs out, one by one to show them to me, then placed them on his tray... then peeled the rest of my flesh from my body tossing it in the corner. Slowly he begin to pull my bones apart, one by one, piling them up on the floor as well till I was nothing but a head with a exposed torso. I couldn't scream or cry anymore, my throat raw from the hours of his play. Somewhere during all this, Denenthorn had disappeared, but not before coaxing Spectre to kill me, then bring me back and redo the torture, again and again.... For the first time in my life I prayed that Death would hold onto me this time when I met him...

Finally Spectre seemed to get bored with my compliance and waved his hand, the chains melting away. He stuck his hand in my chest, and ripped out my heart, letting me watch it thump a precious few times before it stopped.... and finally darkness claimed me. My grandfather was waiting for me once I arrived, shaking his head. “You know... you are no longer my family by blood.” he murmured and motioned for me to follow him. “I really should keep you in Hades... if it wasn't for the fact that I value my son's sanity I would...” I shrugged and walked behind him, “When did you stop claiming me as family?” I asked. “The day you chose to undo what my son did, and became that abomination that you clung to for so long. You do know vampyres are truly damned correct?” I chuckled. “Aye, but without your son to teach me his ways... I became just another demonic presence floating around, unguided, unsure.... I knew what a vampire was, and what was expected of me then... so...” Shrugging I stopped as he did, looking at a door. “This is true...” he agreed and looked behind him to me, studying me. “You never did make sense to me... why my son fell in love with you... but then again love isn't something I ever understood.” He held a bony hand out toward the door. “That day you called me forth for that girl, to give up her soul, I took something from you... Lets see if your friend will let me give it back because I truly do not want you in my domain...” Again I snickered and walked through the door reappearing in the room where Spectre remained. He was carving my eyeballs out as we walked in, and seeing us, he popped them in his mouth, grinning and chewing them. I felt ill... but a spirit can't vomit can they? Spectre and Death stared at each other a moment, before Death turned to me. “Savannah, he's going to give you back to Toxia... but.. the curses he has put on you, only Denenthorn can remove them...” I begin to protest, Denny stood there and helped him do this to me.. but Death held up his hand, and I lost the ability to speak. “Learn from this... “ he said softly. “You made a sacrifice for one you loved... and I am repaying that now.... “ With a flick of his wrist, suddenly I was back in my body, and oh god the pain...

Spectre begin to put me back together, taking his sweet ass time of course... I felt everything, every twist, every cut, every pop of my joints he fixed. Once I was back into one piece, he begin to carve again, but this time, he chanted as he did it, and I felt my flesh burn like it was lit with hell fire itself... Chains circled themselves around my wrists and ankles, and I could feel him close. I turned my head to where I thought he was, and he gripped my sockets, “Where you land, you are bound until Denenthorn decides you are worth saving child... only he will be able to remove the marks, the chains, but no one, not even god himself... will remove the memories.” He then placed his hand on my head, and there was a burst of pain, then I fell, landing on concrete somewhere... the last thing I remember was someone saying my name, and I finally got to slip into the blackness where nothing could hurt me.

Leave a message at the beep

So, with help from Cid and Denny I decided to pay a visit outside of Toxia.  I want to see how the world outside of the town has changed.

I arrived without fanfare, and without any troubles.  It was dark when I got to the city, which was unexpected since the sun still shined in Tox when I left.  But the darkness gave me cover to hide my wings, and halo.  I stepped out onto the street and looked around.  It was a weird feeling, knowing that I was among so many normal beings... no lycans to watch my back from, no demons to kill.  Although I'm not so dumb to think they don't exist on the mainland, I just knew they had to hide here, where as I did not.  I smiled and begin to explore, reaching into my pocket I pulled out the card I had slipped out of Denny's pocket, and begin to look for an atm, if they still existed.

Once I managed to get a few hundred dollars out of the atm, I pocketed the card and searched for the second thing on my list.  Someone to make me some I.D. With a hundred dollars, and a pretty smile, it wasn't long till I had that as well, with my given name.  I checked into what looked like a good hotel, and went to my room.  On the way there, I saw this apparition, a black decaying flesh like thing with a skeleton mask.  I shook off the feeling of dread and locked my door, once I was there, then summoned a ward to keep anything evil out of my room for the night.  Then, I slept, in a bed by myself.  Strange as it was, I missed the feel of Tora's body, the way her tail curled around my waist, the way she made soft purrs in her sleep... but I managed a few hours, waking with the sun the next day.

Day one, I explored, for a while until I found a public library.  Was slightly shocked that they still existed, but was happy that they did.  Before there, I went to a bank, and with my newly made identification, as well as a little bit of charm managed to clean out my old bank account... funny how much interest accumulates in fifty years... Once the bank run was over I stopped by a cafe on the street and ate, real food.  Not just food I summoned but actual food that had been prepared by another person... and it was fresh!  The next stop was finally the library... where I begin to dig into several things.  What the legends said about Toxia, what the newpapers had said about me... Kept feeling like I was being watched... thought I saw that apparition again, well several times.  I swear the clean air was fucking with my head.

I found little on Toxia that wasn't in a child's horror fiction.  It was amusing that they threatened bad children with our town much like my mom used to threaten me with the wooden nanny.  There was a bit about me in the paper.  They assumed that I collapsed under pressure and committed suicide.  I wasn't expecting much more than that.  I then tried to research my brother...  He had made it out.... He had a life after I died.  There was little about him, other than he became a pastor, he had never gotten married.  When he was thirty-five he went insane according to the papers, kept speaking of a place called 'toxia' and his sister that had killed herself so many years before.

It was almost laughable, but then I stumbled across something disturbing.  He had been locked away, then disappeared, from a high security asylum.  The cameras showed him in bed, but when the orderly showed up the next morning, there was nothing there.  I tried to look more up but found nothing else.  I was disappointed but I took what news I could, packed up my stuff and went to the hotel for the second night.

My second day I visited a cathedral.  Fucking place gave me chills. Maybe there is something to this afterlife, this god crap.  Since I was brought back, I've called Denny my god, because he is my creator, but maybe there's something more?  Went to see a voodoo shop, a different one from the one in Tox.  Got a tarot card reading...
17 - The Star (Reversed)

You are having creative blocks, and potentially good opportunities are moving away from your current path.  Living entirely in a dream world with unrealistic expectations that get you no where.  Be advised to watch out for people appearing to reach for the stars.  Dont be enchanted by weavers of dreams.


[09:41:59]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 0 - The Fool (Upright)

A new opportunity offers potential, but involves risk.  An unexpected turn of events could bring you excitement and rejuvenation, but look before you leap.  You view others concern for you as an irritant: if a venture is worthwhile, it will withstand your caution of others concern. There is amusement and spontaneity, so you may soon enjoy the company of entertaining individuals or events.


[09:42:02]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 1 - The Magician (Upright)

You have all the ingredients at your disposal for success.  Even if you think your dreams are out of reach, you can reveal hidden knowledge about a person or situation, so consider every opportunity in a positive light: Dont reject offers out of hand. Someone will give notice of important journeys and a new burst of creativity.  Have confidence in your ability to manage your life at all levels, you are blessed with energy and the support of those around you.


[09:42:02]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 9 - The Hermit (Reversed)

Stubbornness and a refusal to face certain problems that you know have been partly created by your own attitude.  Resist the temptation to display anger or resentment, and look for meaningful solutions rather than advice tactics.


[09:42:06]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 15 - The Devil (Upright)

You are tied to a commitment that is enslaving you, but it is your perception of this situation that allows it to continue in a way that is ultimately unsatisfying.  A financial agreement, relationship, or career commitment has become imprisonment rather than liberation.  Follow your higher instincts and protect your long term future.  In one jump you can be free.


[09:42:06]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 7 - The Chariot (Reversed)

Oppression and restriction. A driving force in your life gets out of control and you suffer from others lack of sensitivity to your basic needs. When selfishness in a relationship or business partnership knows no bounds, create some distance before you assert what you will, and will not accept.


[09:42:09]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 4 - The Emperor (Upright)

There is an influence of an older person who holds fast to tradition.  He will protect you and support you in any venture as he is an honest ally even though he can be domineering.  He lives in a dynamic, creative storm powered by the strength of his will, yet his stubborn marital attitude leaves no room for subtlety or nurturing qualities represented by his consort - partner or wife.  Do not assume that an individual with a strong personality has good judgment.


[09:42:10]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 5 - The Hierophant (Reversed)

Untruth, half truth, and every thing but the whole truth.  Information is kept from you and what you here is distorted.  Others may politic against you for their own ends.  There is lack of freedom, misinformation causes restriction and upset.  Treat what you here from others with due skepticism, and protect yourself where possible from others dishonest attempts to gain favor.


[09:42:13]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 11 - The Strength (Upright)

A situation that requires a gentler, intuitive response if resolution is to be reached.  Rather than slay the lion, errant negotiation and calm control  will bring forces to heel and ensure steady progress.  There is an inner conflict between your intuition and the practical approach to solving the problem.  Perhaps wrestling with a decision or a project that requires a synthesis of masculine and feminine qualities if is to succeed.


[09:42:13]  Tarot Machine (Ver. 1.2KE - 3 Prime - IM - 60 / 40):
 12 - The Hanged Man (Reversed)

A refusal to change or examine your true attitudes.  Instead of gaining a fresh perspective, you remain in a limbo of conflict.  In the upright position, the hanged man is safely tethered to a growing tree, supported by his natural instincts.  When reversed, he is bound to the earth and shackled by materialism.  Consider your approach to a problem and take guidance from your unconscious, or be prepared to waste more precious time.

More shopping, more eating.  I got something for everyone I cared about, including Denny's request.  I did have the book inscribed with his name.  That was my own little touch.  Again the feeling of being watched, all damn day.  I thought I seen that figure again, but everytime I tried to get a better look he disappeared.  I'm going home tomorrow so I'll wrap this up.  Next entry I'll be back in Toxia....

Life story...

On my way to the church last night, I spotted Denethorn perched on the bench outside of Haven.  Of course I skipped over and decided to talk, its been a few days since I had spoke with him.  Its weird, thinking back over the last few months.  That angel used to be one I could not stand.. one that I absolutely wanted to destroy.  Now, he's my mentor, my father... and I hate to admit it, but I think I've actually grown to care about him...*shudders*  His wife is a delight though, I went to her about a problem a few weeks ago, and she fixed it without so much as a question... where as he would have questioned me till the death... She's one I'm proud to call family as well...

Speaking of family, after Denny and I exchanged barbs, we got on the subject of my life story... my history in our shithole little town.  It surprised me that he was interested.... even more surprising I told him the story that very few know about myself.... and on the heels of that encounter I feel the need to write it down, preserve it perhaps?  Those whom do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it... and most of mine I have no desire to repeat.

I grew up in Toxia.  I was born and raised in the same shitty town I call home now.  The daughter of a factory worker, and a waitress at the diner.  I had an older brother, Remi.  We lived decently enough.  Mom didn't have to constantly work at the diner, but rather worked there before Christmas, mine and Remi's birthdays, whenever we needed a bit of spare cash.  I was spoiled... There was nothing I wanted that I didn't get.... Remi rightly called me a brat almost all the time.  I never disputed that.  I was spoiled and I knew it... but it didn't bother me.  I was destined for greater things than to be cursed to live in Toxia all my life.  I excelled in school, made the grades, the teams... anything and everything went my way, whether I deserved it or not....

I left home two months after graduating... Having gotten into my first choice school, I put a couple hours between my family and I.  I wanted nothing to do with them, or that town... I rarely went home, generally only for Christmas break.  I found an apartment and a job close to campus... and started really living MY life.

The day before the 'incident' as we all call it now, my mother called me.  She had this feeling that something bad was going to happen.  The factory workers had all been whispering that the owners of the factory had been doing illegal dumping of the chemicals... I blew her off.  Stuff had happened before didn't it?  Didn't the town always pull through?  I wanted nothing to do with them or my recent connection to my past.  I didn't want my friends to know the hicks that were family... So I told her no, and hung up, going to work or school.... I can't remember now.

The more I thought of it that day, the more uneasy I got.  My mom had called me repeatedly throughout the day, and I kept hitting silence on my phone.  Finally, shortly after it got dark, I gave up.  I tried to call her back.  The phone didn't ring, it didn't do anything... it was dead air.  I was supposed to go to a party but instead I packed a small bag of clothes, grabbed my keys and phone, and hopped in my car, driving home.

The years have twisted my memory of how exactly I got to the city... but even if I live to be as old as Denenthorn himself, I will never forget the sight that greeted me.  Buildings had fallen, fires everywhere, bodies, blood... the sirens... The way they wailed... sent chills down my spine.  I immediately tried to go home, but never could find it.  Maybe my mind was messed up from all the destruction... but I never saw our home again.  Slowly, I made my way to the diner, where I knew my mom had been scheduled to work... and she had been there for her shift.  She had a rose tattooed on her wrist.  She had gotten it when I was in elementary school.  It was her's and dad's names in the flower, with mine and Remi's names on the leaves... thats how I knew it was her body parts that littered the diner floor.  Her .... torso, her blood... I vomited... and ran out of the building.

As the night wore on, I saw creatures... such strange beasts... Things I had never seen, not even in the worst of movies.  I stuck to the shadows, to the alleys... I managed to make it to where the factory was, trying to find my father or brother.  My brother had started working there shortly after I left for school.  I ran into a couple people that my family knew, and begged them for any information... Remi hadn't showed up for his shift, but my dad had... and my dad, got sucked into something when the first series of explosions started.  He was gone as well.  No one had any information on Remi... And I realized I was alone... and that I was going to die.  Somehow, I found my way into an abandoned building, I found a dark corner and curled up... having what was certainly a mental breakdown.  My family was gone and it was my fault... I cried for a long time... the sounds of the chaos outside filled my head.. the smells of blood, death, burnt flesh invaded my lungs... Somehow, unconsciousness found me after what seemed like an eternity.

I woke up, and found myself still in this nightmare, but I wasn't alone.  There was a male standing a few feet from me, with his arms out, beckoning me.  He promised to take away the pain, take away the loss.. what choice did I have?  I made a choice that night.. and I died for it.  Died by his hand, by his lips...

Years went by, and finally he had to leave me... said he had business and he set me loose on the city.  After so long being imprisoned, I was lost.  I had no clue how to hunt, how to survive... I found my way to the shelter, and was taken in by Servher... he was the feline that ran the joint.  I spent awhile there, making friends, exploring, learning what I could till the day the Matriarch of the Reckoning showed up.  Lady Vishous as Servher called her.  She took me in, and begin to show me exactly how to live as a vampire... how the world was mine for the bleeding... and I had a family again, for a short time...

The rest of my story will have to come later... I find myself almost wallowing since Denenthorn asked for my tale.  The history of my time here seems to be crowding my thoughts... Perhaps after I write them down.... my path will become clear once more...

A Rightie and Covenite walk into the pit...

Sounds like a joke right?  The title of this entry?  Well thats how it felt the other night when I decided to go pay the shadows a visit.  But I'm getting ahead of myself...

So its been a little while longer since I've wrote, but I've truly not had anything note-worthy happen.  I am more used to my new body now.  It seems eager to do my bidding... at least physically.  Mentally, still an issue to realize that I can't just do whatever anymore.  It has its pros and cons, as I am sure everything does.  But I get by and for now that is all I am concerned about.

Leadership has changed, again, for the shadows... thats five in the last year or so if I'm correct.  Perhaps that much dark power is simply overwhelming?  Or maybe they just get tired of being a leader.  It isn't my concern... the more they change leadership the weaker they grow, so yay for us right?

Drea cornered me in the blood bath the other day.  Was lecturing me on how I should go back to what I 'should' be, a vampire.  Granted it is strange to see an angel playing in the bloodpool like a bird in a birdbath... but if I was 'supposed' to be a vampire, wouldn't I still be one?   Lou said something similar to me returning to my former self.... but I just pointed out how fail his family is now, and left the conversation. Speaking of the vampires though.... Raiden came to me a few weeks ago telling me he'd been turned into a lycan.  Bad news. Zoey was destroyed.  Worse news.

I'll write more about Zoey coming back later... but it seems everything has changed.  Zoey and Rai are lycans, I'm an angel... none of the leaders are the same anymore.  I did give xion back his mortality though, I figured since I had killed him twice, I owed him one.  He's back to being a feline, so that at least is familiar...

So on to my adventures at the pit.  Miss Russ from the Coven came by the church the other day, and spoke with Tora and I about some demon wanting me dead.  Surprise surprise right?  He stupidly told Russ when she refused to do it, he was going to the shadows, so Russ and I took a field trip to the pit.  Once there, the only person around was Bri.  That is one kitten that scares the living shit out of me... One of the very few Shadows that I still... don't like messing with.  Bri more or less answered that the demon hadn't come to the pit specifically... then the new leader of the shadows showed up.  I think his name is Jan?  He was... cordial which was something I never expected.. especially from the leader of the Shadows but meh.  We got out answers and left.

I need entertainment.  I find being in the Righteous lately more burdensome than freeing.  I help train them to fight, torture, basically a big sister figure to a few of them.  Perhaps its because its been a year since I left the shadows?  Perhaps its because I see the Kindred failing as a family?  As an angel shouldn't I feel more compelled to be a better righteous?  These are the questions that keep me up at night.

Zen

Its been awhile since the change... I've quit contemplating cutting off my wings to spite my father.  I'm finding that basically I'm still the same Sav, other than the giant feathery mutations.  The same temper, the same lust for violence... that in itself makes it a bit more tolerable.  My body, is different and that has been the hardest to get used to.  Cuts and bullet wounds don't heal as fast... sometimes it takes days even to recuperate from a fight. But... in exchange, I have... power now.  Even if it is unpredictable and sporadic.

I've seen Denenthorn call forth the holy light, for various things... Being his daughter, I thought I'd be able to do this, and I was wrong.  I can call forth... light but its generally a cold, black, damaging light rather than a bright, healing holy one.  So I sought him out, to get advice, lessons, something...  He was in the church praying, which shocked me.  I've known him, awhile and have never seen him praying but to each their own right?  I interrupted him, and asked him how to call forth the light.  I fully expected him to belittle me, mock me, something along those lines, but he surprised me.  For the first time since I met him, he treated me, as if I was a pupil and him the teacher, the advice he gave was sincere, and he left the sarcasm behind for once.

He said I needed to find my Zen, my inner peace.  I need to be able to overcome my emotions, especially my anger.  Which is hard... since I was brought back, I find, my emotions are all to easily exposed, by various different triggers. As I told him, there is a reason I'm redheaded... but I guess he's right.  I need to learn to control them.  So we discussed, what calms me, what centers me, and of course, first and foremost was pain. Pain was a large part of my make-up as a vampire, and much to my pleasure, I still enjoy it as an angel.  I just have to be careful what I do, because unlike when I was undead, my new body doesn't hide the scares of my playtime.  He suggested I think of it, try to use thoughts to focus myself, but that tends to frustrate me, as well as my next 'zen', sex.  Simply thinking of them tends to piss me off further....

As we kept trying, I brought up hunting.... that was one thing I enjoyed very much as a vampire.  I still enjoy it now, but somehow its not the same... When I hunted before, there was a goal... blood.  Now... While I drag them to the church and re-educate them, it just isn't the same finality as it was.  But again, simply thinking about it doesn't help... As it grew later, I kept frustrating him, because it seems like, I have NO zen, no calming influence... I'm too impatient (which he said I needed to conquer as well) to meditate... unlike him and Vivi, I don't rely on anyone to make me calm... but  I have to have one correct?  Even demons have that one thing that utterly calms them... so he gave me a goal.... when I find it, when I learn to conquer my emotions... he will answer the question that has been bugging me since I woke up in the church that night... Why did he bring me back?

Dark... and cold

I hate this new body... its cold, and it knows it.  I got goosebumps all over my flesh, and I'm shivering... fucking shivering... I huff and cross my arms, trying to keep my teeth from chattering as I keep in my corner of the roof, watching the city.  I see nothing interesting, so I curl my wings around me, trying to keep the night air off of me.  My mind begins to wander, and I let my thoughts drift to the night this was done to me... and the events proceeding it...

I was waiting on it... revenge for hurting her.  It didn't scare me... after all I was an immortal creature.  I could handle extreme amounts of pain.  As I perched on top of the radio station watching her home, I let a small smirk cross my lips, knowing what all I had done to her.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, something I would compare to a train wreck hit me.  I fell, and drifted out of conciousness as the creature drug me toward the place I was watching.

I woke up, my face melting into the metal grates that hung over the lava, I was bound.  The pain, was... almost overwhelming, but still not too awful bad.  I could hear the one I hurt, and the other talking but I just smarted off as usual, till I felt the creature who attacked me, pick me up and slam me on the table.  I let out a scream, choked off as I could feel the blood run from my body, the table was full of spikes.  I gritted my teeth after my initial scream and tried to relax and prepare myself for what was coming next...

Ever seen a piranha eat a carcass?  Ever think of how lucky that carcass was to be dead and not feel all those tiny sharp teeth eating it?  That was one of the first thoughts through my head as the demoness called her shadows to begin eating me.... They chewed their way into my flesh, and begin to eat me, from the inside out. It was at this point, the one I had hurt, begin to burn me....  Small note about vampires and fire, we don't mix... I tried to squirm away, crawl, something, but I couldn't, not with the spikes in my body, and every move I made, the holes got bigger, more blood poured out.  For the first time in my long life, I worried about death, being destroyed.  As the fire crawled up my legs, the demoness plucked my eyes out, digging her nails into my sockets, and pulling the soft tissue out with speed and accuracy.  That in itself, was .... horribly familiar, but granted me relief from watching what happened next.  The shadows the demoness had forced into my body gathered and burst loose from my chest, exposing my heart.  At this point, memories fade and turn into the same quality as bad dreams that you can't quite, remember after waking up, but I remember, she ripped my heart out, quite literally.  And my world went... away.  The pain stopped, but so did the awareness,  I felt, seen, heard, nothing... I died.

Hell... I've been to hell, the place I went wasn't hell.  It was a dark.. void of .. nothingness.  Nothing can describe it.  I suppose it was limbo?  Maybe?  I just... didn't exist anymore.  I remembered odd things.... about my life as a mortal.  Suddenly I felt like I was being drained out of this void... I thought I was going to hell finally, and that this limbo was over with, until I heard two very familiar voices...

I came to, face down, naked on the church floor, pinned down by something.  As I struggled to get up, I couldn't, so I yelled for Tora to get off me.  Then I saw her, a few feet away, staring at my back.  I heard our leader laughing so I finally managed to stand up, only to fall back on my ass, feeling a weight behind me.  Looking over my shoulder, I screamed in horror.  I had two, feathery obstructions attatched to me.  As Denenthorn yelled for Tora to grab a curtain so I could cover up, all I could do was curse, and scream.  I finally grew tired of the mocking laughter and ran out, taking off as fast as I could toward the closest familiar place, where I found the last piece of what I was, my chylder... I fell into his arms, sobbing for the immortality I lost, for the changes that had been forced on me... He held me until, I fell asleep.... when I woke up, I was alone... except for my wings....

Errant thoughts

I am restless.  Not unusual for me.... Huffing I roll over and throw the covers back, and sit up, ruffling my wings.  Hearing a small sigh, I tense and look over my shoulder, then smile to myself.  She fights it so hard,but inside, she's a cat.  Even now, she's curled up, her ears relaxed, her tail laying against the mattress.  Standing up, I tug on my jeans and top from the night before, and cover her back up, making sure she is warm.
A fond smile crosses my lips as I run my fingers over the top of her head and across her shoulder, then pull the cover over her shoulder.  I bend down and brush my lips to her forehead before padding in bare feet to the balcony, and looking out over the city.
Fifty years of never stopping, of never sleeping... and in my new body, I need rest.  I don't like it, it makes me feel weak.  I jump to the railing on the balcony and spread my wings, before leaping, enjoying the air running through my feathers as I glide to the street.
Once I land, I tuck my wings back, and stretch, almost toppling over, its taking some getting used to, these new appendages.  I feel a rush of anger as I think about my former self.  WHile I understand my ... well I guess he's my father... he had no choice if I was to stay in this life... I almost wish he had made me a dog.
I take off running toward my new home, the church.  Once inside, I concentrate for a moment, listening, and find the building empty.  Sighing I plop on a pew and allow myself to drift in memories.  So much happened... so many changes.... Here, alone, I can feel myself relax, and I can feel my head begin to droop, so I stretch out on the pew and begin to doze.

The hunt.

The night was cool, I suppose. Since I've been brought back, I don't really feel weather differences as normal people. But the jackets I seen on the humans told me that the weather was cooler than most would like.

My eyes sort through the masses fairly quickly and accurately. Too drunk, not drunk enough, too tall, that one's fixing to have a heart attack... Huffing in frustration I begin to creep closer to the roof edge, staring at the crowd to find the perfect target.

There he is... he arrived alone, one of the ones I passed off as too drunk. But he's been eating, and drinking water. So he's sobered up. I smirk and slip back to slide off the back part of the roof, so I can enter the front, just a girl out on the town for a good time.

Once in the club, the human front comes up, I walk up to the bar and order a drink. To the casual observer, I'm the same as the rest of the females in here. Only I know my purpose... I slip closer to him, and begin to make idle conversation.

Soon we find ourselves on the dance floor, I make sure his drinks are steady but not too much.. I want him to feel his fate. I entice him with my body, I can see it in his eyes. He wants me, I want him, simple right?

The club begins to close, and I lead him outside, I can almost hear his thoughts screaming at me. He's horny, he thinks we're going to quickly do it in the alley.

I drag him against me, my back to the wall. I mold my lips to his, letting his hands roam over my body for a bit, until I grow tired of playing... My touches grow more aggressive as I shove against him, and pin him between me and the opposite wall. The alcohol in his system making his movements slower, dulling his thought process.

Oh he struggles as I get a good grip on his shoulders, but I don't care, the more he struggles, the faster his heartbeats, the more freely his blood flows. Slowly and deliberately I sink my fangs into his neck, the flow immediate and fast.

Slowly he gives in. Quits fighting me. I drink quickly and deeply, the blood flowing from his body to mine, the warmth spreading through my limbs. Once I've drank my fill, I lick the wounds to stop the bleeding and press against him, grinding, rubbing hoping some of his warmth spreads to my skin.

Pulling back I smile at him, he passes out. I shake my head and check his wallet, finding his id and car keys, I drive him home, tuck him in like a good little girl. He'll wake up in the morning with a headache. He won't remember me... they never do.  

Was it a dream?

The night is cool, early fall like.  Most girls would need a jacket but she didn't.  You look up at the club, and her eyes catch yours.  She smiles and grabs her drink off the bar and approaches you.
The music is loud, talking is useless, but her body says more than her mouth would.  The night takes its standard path, drinks, dancing, a little light touching.  Her every movement seems to match yours, she knows just when to close in, when to pull away.
As the music winds down, you find yourself at that awkward moment, not knowing if you should ask for her number, ask her back to your place, but she makes that decision for you.
You two stumble to the alley, and she presses herself against the wall, pulling you by your shirt to her.  Her lips are cold, but you chalk it up to the weather, her body molds itself to you...
You think you've scored, this nights going to end well.
Your hands find their way under her shirt, brushing your fingers against her cool skin as she moves her mouth away from yours and smiles.  Somethings not right about that smile..
Every part of you wants to stay, but something deep inside your mind is screaming for you to run.
SOmething shifts, she pushes against you, suddenly your back is against the wall, her mouth latching onto your neck.  Her hands claw into your shoulders as you feel a sharp pain in your neck...
She bit you, fucking bit you.
You try to shove her back, off of you.  SHe's so much smaller, how can she have that tight of a grip?  As your hands find her shoulders to tear her away, the strength of her bite makes you stop..
If you push her away, you have a good feeling you will loose your entire throat
So what can you do?  You close your eyes, grip the back of her shirt and simply submit... Prayers run through your head, but for some reason, they don't seem appropriate.
Soon she begins to twist and writhe against you, rubbing her body against yours, you can't help it, you moan a bit.
Finally she stops biting and you close your eyes as you feel her pull back, you don't want to see your blood staining her lips.
A soft sound comes from her throat, it almost sounds like a purr.  A purr?  wait this chick bit you and is now purring?
Your thoughts begin to run together, the edges of your vision turning black as you feel your conciousness fade.
Finally you look at her, and again you think, she's just a girl... what the hell happened?  Thats your final thought as you give up trying to stay upright, and let the darkness of the night consume you.
You awake the next day and bolt upright in bed, then clutch your head.  How much did you drink last night?  Your head is pounding as you lay back down and rub your neck.
Suddenly the events of the night before rush back to you and you stumble out of bed to the bathroom, looking at your neck.. nothing.
You begin to doubt your sanity... was it a dream?  The weakness in your body tells you otherwise, but.. theres no proof...
You chalk it up to bad booze or too much of it and stumble back to bed.

The Gypsy Lycan (Background for a medieval sim)

The night was warm, the moon was bright and full.  I remember it so clearly.  The mare I had taken, was so fast, and her movements so fluid... We wound through the woods outside the duke's land so effortlessly.  IT was as if she and I had the same mind, the same goal.  We were free...  I remember hearing something behind us... something large.  It was.... growling I suppose you could call it, maybe more of a snarl.  Next thing, I felt this..... well it felt like a huge boulder slamming into the side of me and the mare, knocking us both several dozen feet from the path we were on.  Suddenly I felt this sharp, intense pain in my ribs, and I looked up at the biggest wolf I had seen in all my nineteen summers.  It bit a rather large hole into my side before my horse jumped up and took off.  Then it took off after her.  I prayed to the gods that I wouldn't die before fading off... last thing I heard was the shrill whining of a horse being taken down...

I was born in a gypsy camp.  I called a man named Bo father... he often told me my mother was an Irish princess, that he had kidnapped while she was witch child as revenge against her husband for kicking Bo's people off his land.  My mother's name was Alannah.  Whether he spoke the truth or not, I will never know, she died while having me.  Gypsy law revolves around possession, since Bo had her, he claimed me as his daughter.  I grew up with the other gypsy children, only ever once in awhile they would point out my pale skin, the red hair, the blue eyes.  Bo said I was my mother, reincarnated.  As I grew older, a woman whose daughter was killed during a raid, took me under her wing, teaching me the gypsy womanly arts.  Her name was Violca, in honor of her beautiful purple eyes.  Utterly devoted to her husband and her son, she was the model of what every gypsy woman striven to be.  At her skirts, I learned to cook, clean, then later, telling fortunes, tarot reading, healing magic, simple glamours.

However, I had a wild streak a mile-wide.  When I entered my teenage years, I began to sneak off and steal horses with Violca's son, Pali.  We grew quite close as our pursuits grew wilder, more dangerous.  Violca, I think, had romantic notions about the two of us.  Soon, Bo started talks with Pali's father.  I did not like this at all... I never intended on being a wife, I wanted to be like a man.  I wanted to steal horses, raid pirate ships, break into the lord's castles and cart off their goods.  However, Bo threatened me, either submit or he would sell me.  He would not have a daughter without a respectable husband.  I gave up on my own designs for the future and decided to marry Pali.  He assured me, he would love me and treat me like a princess.

Two days before my wedding, I was out walking away from our camp.  I was searching for some herbs for Violca for the wedding stew.  I felt a strong set of arms around my waist, a sack over my head.  I screamed and immediately started fighting back.  They bound my hands and feet, throwing me across a horse and trotting off with my body.  When they stopped, I was at a duke's manor.  I remembered that man... We had raided his home several cycles before.  He said HE intended to take me as his bride, but he foolishly left me unbound when they threw me into my cell that night.  I escaped and stole the finest mare I could find, then took off, hell bent on going home.

After I was attacked, I woke up the next day, so sick, so much in pain... I thought I was dying.  Screaming to the gods I curled in a ball and waited for death to take me in her arms.  I must have been close to the camp because next thing I remember was Violca and Bo carrying me back to Violca's wagon.  She worked on me for hours, I knew the chants, the potions by memory.  I concentrated on that to keep from giving into the pain, to the sickness that threatened to overwhelm me.

Miraculously, I survived, I was better in a week.  Pali, Bo, Violca, were all ecstatic that I was alive and decided to plan our wedding on the next full moon.  So the next three weeks were spent in more preparations, more rituals... all the while, I felt trapped, forced into this marriage.  The night before our wedding this time, I was restless as the sunset.  Bo and Violca blamed it on nerves... I tried to tell them otherwise, I knew my body, it was something else.  That night, I remember being violently ill, and hurting all over.  I blacked out, then woke up the next morning, bloody, the carcass of an unknown, large animal beside me.

I snuck back home, and found Pali, depressed, he thought I had ran away.  I ran to Violca's wagon and told her what had happened.  The looks she gave me, I will remember for the rest of my days.  "daemonium lupum" she whispered, and my own heart seemed to stop.  "Lycan?" I whispered, my entire body beginning to shake.  We revered the Lycan.  Some of our kind even worshiped it.  Our band, however, feared these mythical beasts... Pali and I had spent many of a night scoffing the elder's beliefs.

She ran from the wagon as I grabbed what clothes I could from her trunks.  As I emerged, my dad, the man who raised me banished me from the camp.  Saying it was better than killing me.... he didn't understand, the camp was all I had ever known...  Pride is a very powerful thing sometimes, his pride made him banish me, my own pride kept me from begging him to let me stay.  Even though I know he would have broke, his heart was breaking that day.

So I fled the camp, running as fast as I could.  I slipped around towns, stealing food, sleeping in barns.  I had two more instances of blacking out.  One day, I came across a scent... it immediately, caught my attention.  I had never been attracted to anything like that.  I just knew, that scent was meant for me to follow.  So I began to follow it.  At the other end of this scent, was  a male, an arrogant, irritating male.  And I was his, I knew this from the beginning.  And that is where my story ends, or perhaps, where it merely begins.

Tia's Story

I can remember it all, like it was yesterday... I know it wasn't... many seasons have passed...

My father called me and my siblings to the courtyard, in front of our house.  We all knew he had been rather upset lately over the westerners invading his lands.  We had strangers invade our lands before, but my father had always managed to keep it from turning into war.  He had a gift of a silver tongue, manipulating people to his will, talking circles around other leaders... my mother warned him it would catch up to him one day.

"The westerners will not stop at our borders." my father said, clearly troubled.  I struggled to keep my attention on him, but my eyes were drawn to the dark creature sitting astride a horse behind him.  I had never seen such a person, skin black as coal, hair like snow.  Suddenly his eyes locked with mine, and I blushed then ducked to hide behind my brother.

"This man... has promised me, I would win the war, I would not fall to these strangers."  My eyes went back to my father, purposely avoiding the stranger's eyes.  "However, he set a price... one of my own flesh and blood offspring in exchange for this promise."  My brows knitted at these words but I shrugged it off.  I was the baby, pampered and spoiled, not even of age yet.  "He will pick which one he wants, and that one will go with him, we must not lose our home... "  His voice broke again.  "It pains me to do this... but he gets to choose..."  

I still wasn't too concerned.  I bounced on my toes as I watched the stranger walk up and down the line of my siblings.  A couple of my sisters actually primped theirselves slightly.  He turned and got back on his horse, having not even come all the way down to where me and my brother was.  "I want the youngest." he said, his voice deep and oozing authority, as he thrust a finger directly at me.

I was still in disbelief as my father gathered what few things the man said I needed, just standing there.  "Tia..." my father finally addressed me directly as he handed me the bag with my things.  "Tia, my darling child.... I am so sorry..."  To his credit, he at least sounded remorseful.. but I had heard him too many times try to pull the wool over others eyes to believe him.  I refused to look at him as I snatched the bag, then flung myself into my mother's arms, sobbing, begging her to not let him do this to me.
"Tia-ith.." she whispered as she hugged me.  "Your father did what he thought was best..."  I couldn't believe my ears as I stared at her, but she wouldn't look at me, instead she glared at my father as she unwrapped her arms and turned me to face the stranger and gave me a gentle shove toward him.  "Take care of her... " she said firmly, I had never heard my mother speak to a man that way.

The man smirked at her and shrugged as he reached down and roughly grabbed my arm, dragging me in front of his saddle.  "Tia is her name?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around my waist then grabbed the reins with his other hand.  "Yes... Tiamal is her full name but she hasn't grown into it yet."  With that my mother finally looked at me, and smiled through her own tears.  "Make your family proud." she whispered then turned and took off for our home.  "Tia-ith is a child's name..." he hissed in my ear as he whirled his horse around and nodded to our father.  "Your debt is payed...  good luck with your wife..."  With a mocking laugh he kicked his heels into his ride's stomach and we took off.